I've been thinking about this subject even more than usual, recently. A young couple of my close acquaintance has recently welcomed a baby; another young friend recently lost a parent; and the news is full of children losing their parents to drug overdoses. It all makes me wonder...
Where is the line? When is it selfish and wrong to do things for ourselves, and when is it right? I get that there's no excuse to overuse addictive drugs. I get that everybody makes mistakes. But how does a typical parent know that he or she is doing the right things? Where is the line? Is it okay to drink two beers, but not three? Is it okay to drive 5 miles above the posted speed, but not 10? How do we help every parent do "their" best for their children? How do we rise above being a disappointment to our children?
So what about me? Am I doing it right? My parenting style is "benevolent neglect" (a phrase I found online somewhere and immediately appropriated). I provide my kids with health and safety, and let them experiment within those boundaries as they like. One kid has gone deeply tech; one kid is a health food and yoga junkie. Will there be fallout some day? Will the techie wish I'd made him stay in piano lessons? Will the foodie be sorry I didn't make her continue in sports? Will those decisions, or any of hundreds of others, be THE THING that causes one or both of them to fail at a crucial moment?
For six months now, I've been sitting at home, trolling the Internet for a new job. I'm also back in college, and trying hard to do projects at home while I have time. But what really worries me is the impression my kids have of me. Are they secretly concerned that I'm never going to get a job? Do they think I must have been a bad employee at my last job (of 21+ years) since I've had such trouble finding a new one? There have certainly been days when I've wondered if they'd be better off without me. Actually, that's a thought I have frequently. I know I cannot act on that thought, but it sure is tempting sometimes. I just hope that, at least eventually, they'll realize that I really put effort into finding a job, regardless of my success at being offered one. Because, if there's one thing I never want any kid to feel, it's disappointment in his or her parent.
