It has been four years since I wrote my first blog post. I'm not sure why, except to use the generic catch-all - I've been busy.
Over the last four years, my divorce has been finalized, My Beauty has completed a year of college, and My Beast has finished 10th grade. We've adopted or otherwise come to be the caretakers of six cats, five of whom still live with us (one moved in with a neighbor). We still have our Cockapoo, Phantom, named for Danny Phantom of Nickelodeon, not for the opera. I've become the sole owner of the home in which the kids, animals, and I live. And I have a bunch of other "kids" - met through my children, and spiritually adopted.
For 21+ years, I had a job I enjoyed, working for a boss I adored. I still adore him, but he retired, and I'm unemployed. It is difficult to find a new job after so long. I'm either over-qualified, or I don't have a four year degree. So, I've gone back to college, and that keeps me reasonably occupied while I continue my job search.
But what I really want to talk about is THE SLIDE. I have, since the day I found out that my job was ending, felt like I'm standing at the top of it, on a narrow platform that isn't completely stable. It lists; trembles. It would be so easy to go down that slide, and my struggling psyche wants to take that ride. But the slide is long, and greased. I don't know that I'll be able to return. I know that going down that slide will take me away from everything that matters to me. My kids and animals give me a reason to resist. I have to make sure they have what they need, so I have to stay on the platform.
But the slide is so tempting. At the bottom there are no responsibilities. I can just sleep. No more trying to find an employer who will appreciate my abilities; no more hiding the hurt from a failed marriage. Just no more.
